Because I Knew You...

I've heard it said

that people come into our lives 

for a reason

bringing something we must learn

and we are led to those

who help us most to grow

if we let them

and we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,

but I know I'm who I am today

because I knew you...

I believe with all my heart that God brings people into our lives as we need them. Some people, like our families, we need for a lifetime. Others, who we may only need for a short period of time, leave lifetime impacts on our hearts. This man is one of those short-time, lifetime impact type of people. I officially met Mr. John Grundwald on the first day of 5th grade music class. Little did I know that day just how much time I would end up spending with him over the next 8 years. I always liked music, but this teacher made me fall in love with it!

During my middle school days, he encouraged my love of music {and theatre} by choosing me as one of the lead vocalist roles in the middle school production of Tom Sawyer in 7th grade. In 8th grade, he started planting ideas in my head of being the high school accompanist, which starting my Freshman year, I did. 

High School for me, as it is for most, was fraught with drama, but the one place I always found a calm oasis was the choir room. Mr. G was always ready with a listening ear and an encouraging word. He pushed me to be better than I was and to not settle for "just ok," both as a pianist and in life. My Sophomore year, he took part of the choir to NYC. I had originally signed up, but had to drop out because I just couldn't seem to get the money scraped together. Long story short, a few months before they left, he approached me about taking the spot of another girl for a discounted price. So I went. And it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! My Senior year, he took me to several vocal festivals and {helped} gift me with my choice of "The Christmas Shoes" for the winter production at Harmony. All four years of high school, he encouraged me to try out for the local theatre productions, and finally, my Senior year, I did. I joined the cast for an exciting production of Bye, Bye Birdie. I met many people along the way with whom I still keep contact today. 

As a teacher, the expectation is that you will change lives, leave huge impacts, and create a better future for those you teach. I'm not a teacher in a school, but I'm sure there are times of great discouragement, when it feels like you're not making any difference for anyone.

But, at least for THIS man, I hope there is never a doubt in his mind that his work matters - this his life has affected so many and changed us...

For Good.

Setting Goals, Embracing Life, & Letting Go

Thursday evening, I had a meltdown.

Not the kind of meltdown that toddlers have in the store when their parents tell them for the hundredth time that "no, we are NOT buying that toy!" Not the kind of meltdown that teenage girls have when the "guy of their dreams" asks someone else to the prom.  Not the kind of meltdown that college kids have when they're missing home, can't handle the pressure, and just want to go back to high school.

No, this was the kind of meltdown that Lacy has when she's had a handful of drastic life changes in six months and hasn't taken the time to process everything. Instead she bottles it up, tucks it away, and hopes she can just hold out till spring, when everything will magically be better.

Now, I should mention that on Monday, my uncle passed away. My great aunt, whom I adored, passed away just before Christmas. And in one month, it will be two years since my grandpa passed and 14 years since my (don't tell anyone) favorite uncle passed away.

So there I was, sitting at home alone, and the volcano, sparked by something trivial and minor, erupted. All over the place. I started crying and couldn't stop. I started questioning everything! Should I have stayed at my old job? Should I have not moved? Should I have not kept some people at arms length? Should I have not let other people get as close as they are? Am I making too many assumptions where certain people are involved? Which then turned into, will I be single forever? Will I die alone, surrounded by knitting needles? YIKES! 

Thankfully, I used my "text a friend" card, and instead of texting back, my friend Rachel opted to play her "phone a friend" card. I'm so thankful for Rachel. She just GETS it. People like to tell us that they understand what it's like to be 26, single, and never have been in a relationship. They like to tell us that God has a plan for our singleness or that "Mr. Right" is out there and to be patient. HA! Rachel actually gets it. Because she's just like me. But you? You, who were married at 22 to your high school sweetheart 30 years ago? You, who had three kids by the time you were my age? No. I'm sorry, but you don't get it. Even if you genuinely want to, you just don't. And while you may be right about God having a plan or "Mr. Right" being out there, that's just not helpful. Nor is it overly comforting whilst in the midst of a meltdown. Rachel, however, gets it. She knows that even when a meltdown is completely unrelated to being single, it still somehow ends up glaring you in the face. Because in the midst of a meltdown, the loneliness sometimes overwhelms you, compounding the problem. 

Anyhow, Rachel "talked me off the ledge," so to speak, and I went to bed. Yesterday, I woke up to a beautiful sunshiney day, and I thought everything would be fine. But, nope! I went to work, someone asked me what was wrong, and I lost it again. Thankfully, I have an amazing boss who told me to just take the day off. My uncle's funeral was later in the day, so I was already planning to take half the day off. I went home, to my parent's house, and spent the day thinking about my life.

One thing I realized is that I need to embrace the life I have. I have a great job (that I do, in fact, love. Just FYI to my meltdown self) that I CAN be good at! I L-O-V-E my new apartment! I have amazing friends/family that love me, regardless. And I serve a God who LOVES me beyond comprehension. 

I also realized that perhaps one key to embracing the life I have is letting go. Letting go of things I can't change. Letting go of things in my past that hold me back. Letting go of future possibilities that I have zero control over. Letting go of the idealistic picture in my head of what my life was supposed to look like at 26. Another key to embracing life (brought to my attention by my dear friend Rachel... the one who just gets it) is setting goals. Goals for this month. Goals for this year. Professional goals. Personal goals. Spiritual goals. 

So this week, my plan is to do just that: Set goals, embrace life, & let go.

Right Now I'm...

Listening: It IS February, so I've had a little bit of a Love Songs groove going. But I've also been on a huge late 90's/early 2000's kick: Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, S Club 7, and so on. It's never quiet in our house!

Watching: I'm a huge Grey's Anatomy fan, but I've never gotten into Private Practice (the Grey's spin-off). I tried it once, and just didn't get into it. So... now that I live with Helen, who has Netflix, which just happens to have all of Private Practice available, I've decided to give it another try. And so far, I'm quite enjoying it.

Reading: I'm about 2/3 finished with Vision in White, but that's because I took a time-out to read Kyle & Kelsey Kupecky's book The Chase, which was AMAZING! I highly recommend it for any single teen-adult gal still waiting for her Prince Charming. Super good!

Working on:  I started a daily journaling project at the end of January, and I did great for about a week, and then kinda bombed. But I REALLY enjoyed it for the week I did it, so I'm determined to catch up and keep going. I love writing, and this is one way I can write a little every day.

Wishing: That I knew what other people were thinking sometimes. It would sure take all the uncertainty and guessing out of complicating my life.

Needing: Still, a shelf for my closet. And it wouldn't hurt to have a real Valentine... but alas, there's always hope for next year.

Rejoicing: That there are only 35 days till SPRING! I can not WAIT for this icky winter coldness to be G-O-N-E!

Reflecting on: I made Helen a mix CD the other day entitled "Flawless Love" for our Sunday Morning drives to church. It has several wonderful songs about God's forgiveness on it, and I am such a dirty rotten sinner that desperately needs a Savior, and these songs give me so much hope! I love being reminded that God's love goes deeper and wider than all the drops in the ocean! God's forgiveness extends to the deepest, darkest parts of my sinful heart, and for that, I am BEYOND grateful!

Picturing: This... last year at the Valentine's Banquet at church