Right Now I'm...

Listening: Christmas music, of course! LOVING the Pandora station options! They literally have a Christmas station for every mood!

Watching: I started New Girl on Netflix the other day, and boy am I getting a giggle out of that!

Reading: A few months ago, I bought a book on Walter Cronkite, and I kinda forgot about it until a few days ago. I can't wait to dig in to it! I think it could have some really great, interesting things inside!

Working on: As it's getting cold once again, I've picked up my crochet work for the season. I make baby booties for a crisis pregnancy center in Des Moines, and it tends to be my winter project. It's a great ministry, and it's something I can do while snuggled up with a blanket watching Christmas movies or listening to audio books. Plus, it's fun!

Wishing: that there was a logical and treatable reason for why I get sick ALL. THE. TIME! Ear infection and sore throat again...

Needing: See previous answer. But also, with Christmas coming, I've been throwing out a lot of suggestions of things I could use... for instance: more fuzzy socks.

Rejoicing: They will be offering health insurance at my job!!! I didn't think that was going to do me much good considering the insane increase in my private health insurance, but it turns out, it will be significantly less expensive! This is a HUGE praise because maybe I'll be able to address some of these health issues and {hopefully} resolve them!

Reflecting on: A few months ago, pastor gave a sermon on the book of Esther. It has continued to stick with me and encourage me! God had a specific plan for Esther's life: it didn't look like Esther probably thought it should, and it wasn't easy, but God had a plan for her life. And I KNOW He has a plan for mine, too! Even when it doesn't look like I think it should.

Picturing: Two of my favorite people...

Right Now I'm...

Listening: Don't tell anyone, but the last station I played on Pandora was... Christmas music! I'm usually a "wait till November" kinda girl, but for some reason, it's hitting me a little early this year.

Watching: I'm about to finish up "Pan Am" for the millionth time, and Helen and I started watching the new show "Timeless" the other day, which is in it's debut season. It's pretty fantastic!

Reading: Cheap Kindle Quick Reads (nope... not an official title of an actual book, by the way). I have several books in my "I must read this!!" stack, but I just haven't felt like reading a long book for awhile. But I will... winter is coming, so there will be PLENTY of time!

Working on: I just finished a two-day project (took probably 4-6 hours) of sorting through ALL my scrapbooking/card making supplies. I weeded out more than HALF of my stuff to divide amongst my sisters. My "office" (aka the corner of my living room where my desk is) is feeling much less cluttered now!

Wishing: Not really wishing for anything at the moment, which is kind of awesome. Well... technically... I'm kinda wishing I'd thought to grab another gallon of Apple Cider from Aldi when we were there yesterday, but...

Needing: again... can't think of anything to put here at the moment, which I think is probably good!

Rejoicing: For the last three months, I've been working on an on-going issue at work, and today I FINALLY got to see the fruits of my labor! That was a HUGE relief and definite cause for a happy dance!

Reflecting on: The way God brings me encouragement at the exact moment I need it. Every. Single. Time. Some people might call that coincidence, but I just know its HIM giving me every good thing!

Picturing: These. From last years Senior Photo shoot with my baby sister...

An Extraordinary Ordinary Life

All my life, I feel like I've struggled to be myself. Growing up, I knew who I was expected to be, and for the past 26 years, I've done a pretty good job of being just that girl. 

I don't know that I can point to an exact moment and say "that was it... that's the moment when everything changed...," but over the last four months, I've definitely been changing. I'm not saying it was an over night change, nor do I intend to lead you to believe that it has been easy, because I assure you, it has not, but I'm not the same person today that I was even a month ago.

Over the summer, I spent many, many hours with a group of people that, for the most part, didn't know me. I didn't realize at the time what a gift that was. Spending hours and hours every week with a group of people who had absolutely no idea who I am as a person (with the exception of one solitary person, who I know accepts me no matter what) really gave me the opportunity to open up and discover myself. 

These last two months have been particularly challenging as I no longer spend hours and hours with my FACT family every week. I'm back in the "real world," where people know me and have expectations. But thankfully, I've found the courage and boldness to continue discovering who I truly am, and  every day I embrace that person more and more. 

In the midst of all this change and self-discovery, I've really struggled with how my soon-to-be-27 life looks: Single. The struggle hasn't been that I'm single (although at times that in itself IS a struggle), but rather the struggle is that I've recently discovered I'm (becoming) completely happy with that. I know what you're thinking... "how is being happy in your singleness a struggle?" 

Let me tell you why that's a struggle. The older I get, the fewer and fewer single friends I have, which by default means that I'm the exception, not the rule (interpreted: why aren't you married yet??). For someone like me who has lived her entire life trying to be the person everyone expects, this is difficult. Because sometimes I feel like there is something wrong with me. Sometimes (most of the time, actually) I feel like it's not ok for me to be indifferent to -- even happy in-- my singleness. 

My other major struggle has been that I've finally found a job that I think I could end up loving for a long time. Again... "why the struggle?" you ask. Well, to be honest, the struggle is that my job isn't all that glamorous. I'm not doing amazing things for God (missionary, ministry, etc.).  I'm not even doing amazing things in general (firefighter, doctor, working for a big-name company). Is it really OK for me to be proud of and completely love my job, when it seems so menial?

It may seem like I'm rambling, but here's where it all comes to a point. This morning's message at church was on the life of Esther. I've known how her story goes since I was a little girl, but today it really hit home. I (not surprisingly) was brought to tears over the following (para)phrase spoken from the pulpit today:

"God has a specific role for you to play.  Don't waste your life worrying about who you're not, but rather focus on who God has made you to be. Embrace the person God has made you and the role He has made you to play."

We were reminded that Esther didn't choose the extraordinary life God had planned for her. She didn't choose to lose her parents and be raised by a cousin. She didn't choose to be uprooted from her home and taken to the palace. However, she DID choose to follow God. She DID choose to embrace the role God had for her to play. She DID choose to be used of God in the salvation of her people. 

The past four months have been a struggle-- the good kind of struggle-- as I discover more and more things about myself. And up until today, I thought that embracing this new-found me wasn't ok.

But maybe, just maybe, allowing myself to be who I really am isn't such a bad thing. 

And maybe, just maybe, God wants me to learn to fall in love with my extraordinary ordinary life.

Right Now I'm...

Listening: Rodeo is in a week, so that's put me in a bit of a Country mood... But also, Michael Buble has a new album coming out next month, so I've been on a Buble kick also. AND.... I ordered two tickets for my daddy and I to FINALLY go on our daddy/daughter date to see Celtic Thunder in a month (!!!!!!), so I've been rollin' the Irish, too. All the good listening material!

Watching: Quantico is on Netflix, in case anyone wondered, so I've been binge watching the first (and only, so far) season. Because it's SO GOOD!

Reading: At present? Nothing. Not. A. Thing. Unless text messages count.... HOWEVER, I'm...

Working on: putting together a Bible study group. So I'll be reading for that. Haven't quite decided on which study to do, but I'm leaning toward either a Proverbs 31 study or a James study. Decisions, decisions...

Wishing: That AUTUMN would hurry up and hit full-force! I can NOT wait for chilly days and sweaters and boots and warm bevereges and falling leaves and... all of it!

Needing: for this sinus headache to go away. I super hope it's just allergies... and that the meds I got kick in ASAPs!

Rejoicing: The few girls I've talked to are very interested in doing a Bible Study together!! I'm so glad! I wasn't sure if it would pick up or not, but I'm really excited about it!

Reflecting on: How God works in our lives. Sometimes it seems like all I do is W-A-I-T!! But I think God sometimes makes me wait because (1) He knows I'm not ready (2) I'll appreciate it more if I wait for it (3) He's preparing other people to participate in my life. But mostly, I think He makes me wait because what He has for me is SO MUCH BETTER than what I had planned for myself!

Picturing: Last year's Rodeo night... Looking forward to this year, even though this girl is gonna be a hundreds of miles away...

Tale As Old As Time

Yes.

Just a short little three-letter word. One I've said many times before. Little did I know that saying this tiny word in May would have such an impact on my life.

When I auditioned to be in the FACT (Fairfield Area Community Theatre) production of Beauty and the Beast, I figured I'd join the chorus, enjoy singing, have an alright experience, and move on. I almost didn't go because neither of my sisters were going to be able to do it with me, and I wasn't sure about going alone. But, I didn't want to disappoint G (my former music teacher/mentor/extra dad-type), so I said yes.

Auditions were interesting; definitely a step out of my comfort zone. But fun. That first night, I left having no idea if I would even continue. Not a single person was there that I knew except Blair (G's son who had no clue who I was, but had been told about me), the assistant director disliked me (or so I thought), and there were wAAAAAy too many kids. 

BUT. I said yes. And I spent the next two and a half months doing something I loved and spending time with some incredible people! 

During the first month of rehearsals, I was really struggling with some things in my personal life, and rehearsals were such an oasis for me! For a few hours several nights a week, everything else faded from view. I was able to get lost in a perfect little world of music and forget the frustrations of life. It was EXACTLY what I needed!

Then we moved into choreography. YIKES! Anyone who knows me knows that I am NOT a good dancer. And the choreographer was so cool. And hip. And I just KNEW she was going to find me ridiculously awkward. So when she asked me to help out on some extra stuff, I was shocked. But again, I said YES. I had no idea that saying "yes" to that request would gain me a new best friend! From that moment on, Rachel and I were connected at the hip! I basically ended up being her second in command, which I LOVED! Turns out, I'm not half bad at the dancin' thing! When all was said and done, I was told under no uncertain terms that I was her new permanent assistant for these shows. Which I love!

As we got closer and closer to the production, the FACT family spent more and more time together. Hours of rehearsals every single day, lots of hard work, and tons of togetherness. These people really became my Summer family (in fact, I spent more time with them than with my ACTUAL family during the months of June/July). As it turns out, the assistant director DIDN'T dislike me (she secretly loved me), and I had such a wonderful time being one of her go-to people backstage.

The three performances went {practically} flawlessly {to the public eye}, and Sunday night after the final curtain closed, everyone gave a sigh of relief. Everyone except me. I cried. Not in a big all-out tears streaming down my face kind of way, but in that single tear slips down the cheek kind of way. I hate when things end. After spending every single spare moment with this crew for the past 10 weeks, saying goodbye- even just temporarily- was going to break my heart.

After the final clean up was completed (of which I stuck around literally as long as I possibly could because I just couldn't bring myself to leave), and dinner with my crew was finished (you know who you are), I reluctantly got in my car and drove home. I may or may not have cried the entire drive.

I'm so thankful for this experience, and for the people I was able to meet, and the permanent friendships I was able to form. I had no idea I'd end up being sucked into the FACT family, but I'm SO GLAD I WAS! So many of you touched my heart in ways that you'll never even know.

Oh... and G? Thanks. Just... Thanks!

'Till Next Year...

Diana (the assistant director), Rachel (choreographer), & Me

Me & My Crew: Rachel, Me, Drew, Blair, & G

Me & My BFF Dancin' Rachel

Where Has Lacy Been?

I'm sure some of you, by now, are wondering if I'm still out there in cypberspace. Well, the answer, is YES! BUT... life has gotten quite hectic for me. Between starting a new job, joining the local theater group, battling yet ANOTHER sinus/ear infection, taking a long weekend to California, and two weddings, I hardly have time to catch up with myself, let alone all of YOU! So, quick recap (HA! Like I even know HOW to do quick...):

In mid-May, I was trolling Facebook, when I saw a post by my {former, but always} music teacher announcing auditions for the Faifrield Area Community Theater's summer production of Beauty & the Beast. Naturally, I did a little squeal of excitement, as Beauty & the Beast is my all-time favorite Disney movie! Of course, a week later, I auditioned, and low and behold, I got the exact role I wanted: random chorus person! It's been a L-O-T of work, but I'm SO glad I did it! I was really struggling with a few life-y things, and I'm so thankful this dropped in my lap. Even though it sometimes leaves me frustrated (the cast this season includes a larger amount of young talent versus seasoned talent), I love that it allows me a solid chunk of time to escape from the "real world" and just have fun. We perform in exactly two weeks, and I can't even begin to imagine just how many hours we'll put in between now and then. In fact, next week, I get to learn a whole new choreography set for a scene we haven't even touched yet! Yikes! It's been so fun, though, and I even got the great fortune of making a new life-long {I hope} friend out of the deal!

Two weeks ago, I left State Farm and started a new job working as a receptionist/office relations/front desk service person at a local dental practice. I was a little nervous about making the switch, but I KNEW I needed to do something because lets face it: sales is NOT my forte, and therefore, working as a sales associate at State Farm was not exactly the fit we were all hoping for. Office-y jobs, on the other hand, such as working the front desk at a dentist office, is definitely a fit! So far (yes I realize it's only been two weeks), I'm loving it! I think we were both exactly what the other was looking for.

Last weekend, my cousin April (whom I affectionately call "Steve") and I flew to Huntington Beach, California, to attend the wedding of my dear childhood friend, Robert Kyle. I am SO glad we went! We had a total and absolute B-L-A-S-T!!! The wedding was held at a resort on the beach, and it was absolutely stunning. Hands-down the BEST wedding/reception/party/celebration I've ever attended! I'm so happy for Kyle & Kristina- they're a perfect pair! It was great getting time to celebrate with them, as well as catch up with another couple of friends from high school, Jeremiah & Jessica Teeter.

We had so much fun! April & I stayed at an airbnb, where we had just a fabulous time- an experience we're sure to repeat! On Saturday, before the wedding, we spent a few hours with Jessica & Jeremiah and their family at the beach, playing in the waves and relaxing in the California sun (where I got burnt bad enough I'm peeling this week). Sunday, after we had recovered from 5 solid hours of dancing the night before, April & I hit up some sights: Disneyland (just the shops outside the theme park, as Disney isn't really April's thing) and Balboa Island. LOVED experiencing both places, even though we were sunburnt and sore from the previous day's activities. We flew home on Monday, drove from Des Moines, and made it safely home around 11:30pm.

Last night, Helen & I got to witness the marriage of our dear Yellow House Brother, Christoper, to his exquisite Peruvian bride, Fiorella. The wedding was absolutely wonderful! What a joy to see how God worked through various circumstances to bring this couple together, and it's such a delight to see them reflect ALL the glory to GOD! It was wonderful to see our dear family-like friends for an evening, to eat, and dance, and laugh together! Our Delaware sister, Kirsten, even made it! We drove up AND back last night, and arrived home safely around 2:40AM this morning.

Next up: we'll celebrate Grandpa's 91st birthday & Alexxa's 5th birthday tomorrow, then family festivities for Independence Day before two weeks of NONSTOP rehearsals for Beauty & the Beast! Stay tuned... I'm going to try my hardest to keep up with blogging for the 6 people who read it! 

Right Now I'm...

Listening: I created a station on Pandora called "Beyond the Sea" and it's so great! All the greats like Frank Sinatra and Dean Martin... very enjoyable!

Watching: Several of my regular shows had their season finale this week, and one even had its series finale (yes, I said goodbye to Castle this week). One show is still standing, with the season finale of Chicago P.D. airing next Wednesday.

Reading: Reading? HA! Does rehearsal music count? That's about all I have time for at the moment. (Side note: I realize I clearly have time to watch t.v., but 9 times out of 10, I also multi-task while I have the show playing in the background. Hard to multi-task while physically reading a book.) I started a free trial of Amazon AudioAudible about three weeks ago, and I'm almost finished with "Buried Secrets" by Irene Hannon. I'll probably finish it today while I clean house.

Working on: Well, I'm still doing the Jamberry thing. I totally meant to write an awesome informative blog post all about it, but clearly we can see what happened with that. I've also joined the Fairfield Area Community Theatre for their summer production of Beauty and the Beast, set to show in mid July. Oh! And I was volunteered to play the piano at my sister's High School graduation tomorrow (which will also be the FINAL graduation at Harmony High School, as they combine the HS with Van Buren next year). Busy, busy, busy!

Wishing: I knew what was next. Potential details to come later on that one. Other than that, I'm definitely wishing I was independently wealthy so I could never have to work again and could just travel the world!

Needing: An extra day between Saturday & Sunday... that would still be part of the weekend. Every single week. (this hasn't changed one word since April's post... because it's still ridiculously true!)

Rejoicing: My little Jamberry business isn't doing too bad. I'm not an overnight millionaire by any stretch, but I signed up to be able to support my Jamberry <addiction>, and so far, I've had decent commissions coming in, so that's A-W-E-S-O-M-E!

Reflecting on: Life moves too quickly. Things change, and we are personally grown and stretched in ways we didn't see coming, but that's OK! God is still in control, even when to us, our lives look a little more like a jumbled mess than a masterpiece.  

Picturing:

Alexxa's preschool graduation from Thursday. She would NOT look at the camera... she was too busy looking at... well... anything else!

Right Now I'm...

Listening: The new Adele album 25 is just wonderful! 

Watching: We spent the day at "the old home place" watching movies with the fam and our friend Maggie. We watched everything from Hilary Duff to Seven Brides for Seven Brothers.

Reading: Still working on "Bed of Roses," but I also just ordered Candace Cameron Bure's book Reshaping It All (THANKS Amazon credit!)

Working on:  Two BIG things going on this month (stay tuned for blog post to follow soon): Changing my eating habits & JAMBERRY! I'm super excited about joining Jamberry, but I'm putting in a lot of work leading up to my Launch Party in a few weeks!

Wishing: to be successful. I know... it doesn't come over night. But I WISH it did!

Needing: An extra day between Saturday & Sunday... that would still be part of the weekend. Every single week. 

Rejoicing: I had a great month of bonuses at work, and I REALLY needed that! AND I'm already set to double that next month! WOO HOO!

Reflecting on: Life is full of choices, and for the most part every single one boils down to this: Do I choose ME or Do I choose Jesus? Talk about a slap in the face, but it's so true. 

Picturing:

This little teaser to my next post...

Memories

Memories

by Lacy Vance

Memories hit me in waves:

the memory of your eyes

your smile

your song.

Memories of carefree summer days:

the memory of your laughter

your voice

your sweet companionship.

Memories of joy-filled days:

the memory of swinging in the park

of ministering together

of being family.

Memories of parties and pie:

the memory of late night talks

of tears

of healing.

Memories of our perfect summer:

the memory of dancing in the rain

of hugs

of you.

As I stood in my kitchen talking to my sister tonight, a dull ache arose in my heart. People walk in and out of my life: some I remember with a smile, some I remember with a tear, and some... a handful of the most spectacular, incredible people I've ever known... make my heart ache because I miss their constant presence in my life more than words can even begin to express. My feeble attempt at poetry is the best I can offer.

And yet... in the midst of all these memories... the ache in my heart tells me that maybe, just maybe, our story isn't finished yet.

And I pray that someday, just maybe, we'll get another chance.

Right Now I'm...

Listening: I've had mostly Christian music playing for the last week or so. (1) It's helping me speak TRUTH to myself (2) It's helping set my focus for Easter (3) It just makes me FEEL better... starts my days off on the right foot.

Watching: Still have a season and a half till I'm done with Private Practice, but I had such a hankering the other day to watch Army Wives that I started that again, as well. Oh... and last night was the season finale of the Bachelor, so of course, I caught up on that today.

Reading: I finally finished Vision in White, so I've moved on to book 2, Bed of Roses. I also picked up a book during the thrift store outing with the church ladies last week entitled "Bad Women of the Bible," which sounds bad, but actually looks like it will be a very good read!

Working on:  This week? My attitude. And being honest with important people in my life. I've done a very good job of hiding some difficult things from... well... everyone (including myself), and Sunday afternoon while talking with my mom, I kind of just lost it. And let it all out. Which was good for me, but definitely showed me that I can't "LIFE" alone... I need my support system. But they can't support me if I'm not honest and upfront and open. I'm working on that. I'm also working on trying to find other ways (besides going to the doctor all the time) to improve my health. Because let's face it: I can't keep being sick all the time!

Wishing: That change was easy. That change didn't require so much hard work and dedication. And that someone could find a way to make me never get sick again (or at the very least, not as often).

Needing: Clear direction from God. And the continued need to speak TRUTH to myself.

Rejoicing: Spring is a mere 5 days away! But as excited as that has me, I'm so THANKFUL for my mom. Sometimes I find it hard to talk to her because I'm afraid of disappointing her. I know she prays for me, and I know that she loves me unconditionally, but having moments like Sunday make me really appreciate the encouragement she is to me. 

Reflecting on: I've said it several times in this post, but I've been really trying hard to speak TRUTH to myself. One of those ways is by reminding myself of God's Word and Promises. Helen and I started dedicating one hour a week as "Bible Time" because we both felt like we needed that encouragement from one another. We shoot for Mondays from 7-8 (ish), but so far, that's only worked out once. This week, we went with Tuesday from 7:30-8:30 because that's what worked. Anyway, I'm studying 1 John. Tonight was 1 John 1:5-10. TRUTH: God has cleansed me from ALL my sin. TRUTH: God is always ready to forgive and restore our relationship when I screw up. TRUTH: I must CHOOSE to walk in the light.

Picturing: I can't wait for consistently warm weather, but maybe not THIS warm. I can't look at this picture without feeling all sticky with sweat. It was like 100+ degrees out this day and the humidity was off the charts.... SO HOT!! But fun!

Because I Knew You...

I've heard it said

that people come into our lives 

for a reason

bringing something we must learn

and we are led to those

who help us most to grow

if we let them

and we help them in return.

Well, I don't know if I believe that's true,

but I know I'm who I am today

because I knew you...

I believe with all my heart that God brings people into our lives as we need them. Some people, like our families, we need for a lifetime. Others, who we may only need for a short period of time, leave lifetime impacts on our hearts. This man is one of those short-time, lifetime impact type of people. I officially met Mr. John Grundwald on the first day of 5th grade music class. Little did I know that day just how much time I would end up spending with him over the next 8 years. I always liked music, but this teacher made me fall in love with it!

During my middle school days, he encouraged my love of music {and theatre} by choosing me as one of the lead vocalist roles in the middle school production of Tom Sawyer in 7th grade. In 8th grade, he started planting ideas in my head of being the high school accompanist, which starting my Freshman year, I did. 

High School for me, as it is for most, was fraught with drama, but the one place I always found a calm oasis was the choir room. Mr. G was always ready with a listening ear and an encouraging word. He pushed me to be better than I was and to not settle for "just ok," both as a pianist and in life. My Sophomore year, he took part of the choir to NYC. I had originally signed up, but had to drop out because I just couldn't seem to get the money scraped together. Long story short, a few months before they left, he approached me about taking the spot of another girl for a discounted price. So I went. And it was A-M-A-Z-I-N-G! My Senior year, he took me to several vocal festivals and {helped} gift me with my choice of "The Christmas Shoes" for the winter production at Harmony. All four years of high school, he encouraged me to try out for the local theatre productions, and finally, my Senior year, I did. I joined the cast for an exciting production of Bye, Bye Birdie. I met many people along the way with whom I still keep contact today. 

As a teacher, the expectation is that you will change lives, leave huge impacts, and create a better future for those you teach. I'm not a teacher in a school, but I'm sure there are times of great discouragement, when it feels like you're not making any difference for anyone.

But, at least for THIS man, I hope there is never a doubt in his mind that his work matters - this his life has affected so many and changed us...

For Good.

Setting Goals, Embracing Life, & Letting Go

Thursday evening, I had a meltdown.

Not the kind of meltdown that toddlers have in the store when their parents tell them for the hundredth time that "no, we are NOT buying that toy!" Not the kind of meltdown that teenage girls have when the "guy of their dreams" asks someone else to the prom.  Not the kind of meltdown that college kids have when they're missing home, can't handle the pressure, and just want to go back to high school.

No, this was the kind of meltdown that Lacy has when she's had a handful of drastic life changes in six months and hasn't taken the time to process everything. Instead she bottles it up, tucks it away, and hopes she can just hold out till spring, when everything will magically be better.

Now, I should mention that on Monday, my uncle passed away. My great aunt, whom I adored, passed away just before Christmas. And in one month, it will be two years since my grandpa passed and 14 years since my (don't tell anyone) favorite uncle passed away.

So there I was, sitting at home alone, and the volcano, sparked by something trivial and minor, erupted. All over the place. I started crying and couldn't stop. I started questioning everything! Should I have stayed at my old job? Should I have not moved? Should I have not kept some people at arms length? Should I have not let other people get as close as they are? Am I making too many assumptions where certain people are involved? Which then turned into, will I be single forever? Will I die alone, surrounded by knitting needles? YIKES! 

Thankfully, I used my "text a friend" card, and instead of texting back, my friend Rachel opted to play her "phone a friend" card. I'm so thankful for Rachel. She just GETS it. People like to tell us that they understand what it's like to be 26, single, and never have been in a relationship. They like to tell us that God has a plan for our singleness or that "Mr. Right" is out there and to be patient. HA! Rachel actually gets it. Because she's just like me. But you? You, who were married at 22 to your high school sweetheart 30 years ago? You, who had three kids by the time you were my age? No. I'm sorry, but you don't get it. Even if you genuinely want to, you just don't. And while you may be right about God having a plan or "Mr. Right" being out there, that's just not helpful. Nor is it overly comforting whilst in the midst of a meltdown. Rachel, however, gets it. She knows that even when a meltdown is completely unrelated to being single, it still somehow ends up glaring you in the face. Because in the midst of a meltdown, the loneliness sometimes overwhelms you, compounding the problem. 

Anyhow, Rachel "talked me off the ledge," so to speak, and I went to bed. Yesterday, I woke up to a beautiful sunshiney day, and I thought everything would be fine. But, nope! I went to work, someone asked me what was wrong, and I lost it again. Thankfully, I have an amazing boss who told me to just take the day off. My uncle's funeral was later in the day, so I was already planning to take half the day off. I went home, to my parent's house, and spent the day thinking about my life.

One thing I realized is that I need to embrace the life I have. I have a great job (that I do, in fact, love. Just FYI to my meltdown self) that I CAN be good at! I L-O-V-E my new apartment! I have amazing friends/family that love me, regardless. And I serve a God who LOVES me beyond comprehension. 

I also realized that perhaps one key to embracing the life I have is letting go. Letting go of things I can't change. Letting go of things in my past that hold me back. Letting go of future possibilities that I have zero control over. Letting go of the idealistic picture in my head of what my life was supposed to look like at 26. Another key to embracing life (brought to my attention by my dear friend Rachel... the one who just gets it) is setting goals. Goals for this month. Goals for this year. Professional goals. Personal goals. Spiritual goals. 

So this week, my plan is to do just that: Set goals, embrace life, & let go.

Right Now I'm...

Listening: It IS February, so I've had a little bit of a Love Songs groove going. But I've also been on a huge late 90's/early 2000's kick: Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, S Club 7, and so on. It's never quiet in our house!

Watching: I'm a huge Grey's Anatomy fan, but I've never gotten into Private Practice (the Grey's spin-off). I tried it once, and just didn't get into it. So... now that I live with Helen, who has Netflix, which just happens to have all of Private Practice available, I've decided to give it another try. And so far, I'm quite enjoying it.

Reading: I'm about 2/3 finished with Vision in White, but that's because I took a time-out to read Kyle & Kelsey Kupecky's book The Chase, which was AMAZING! I highly recommend it for any single teen-adult gal still waiting for her Prince Charming. Super good!

Working on:  I started a daily journaling project at the end of January, and I did great for about a week, and then kinda bombed. But I REALLY enjoyed it for the week I did it, so I'm determined to catch up and keep going. I love writing, and this is one way I can write a little every day.

Wishing: That I knew what other people were thinking sometimes. It would sure take all the uncertainty and guessing out of complicating my life.

Needing: Still, a shelf for my closet. And it wouldn't hurt to have a real Valentine... but alas, there's always hope for next year.

Rejoicing: That there are only 35 days till SPRING! I can not WAIT for this icky winter coldness to be G-O-N-E!

Reflecting on: I made Helen a mix CD the other day entitled "Flawless Love" for our Sunday Morning drives to church. It has several wonderful songs about God's forgiveness on it, and I am such a dirty rotten sinner that desperately needs a Savior, and these songs give me so much hope! I love being reminded that God's love goes deeper and wider than all the drops in the ocean! God's forgiveness extends to the deepest, darkest parts of my sinful heart, and for that, I am BEYOND grateful!

Picturing: This... last year at the Valentine's Banquet at church

What's Going On? : A Life Update

Wow.  I was just perusing my blog, and I noticed that it's been a VERY long time since I did a life update.

A LOT has changed in the last year... even in just the last six months. But I wouldn't trade any of it for the world! I've learned and grown so much in that short time.

A year ago, I was still basking in the warm memories of a recent trip to the Caribbean. What an incredible experience, and I'm so thankful my dearest cousin April included me in that excursion!

Six months ago (ish), I had finally come to a place of contentment with my job at the bank and with living with my parents for the time being. My first nephew was also born.

Five months ago, I got a job offer from a customer that was way too good to pass up.

Four months ago, I passed all my licensing exams to be able to sell insurance.

Three months ago, My new boss found me a place to live just a block away from work. And the landlady is a good friend of hers, to boot!

Two months ago, we took a break from life to celebrate and be thankful for all the Lord has done for us.

A month ago, we took a break from life to celebrate the birth of the Savior.

Three weeks ago, Helen and I moved into our new apartment.

Today, I'm settled in (for the most part), and so in love with life!

So there you have it. My life in a nutshell over the last year.

Right Now I'm...

Listening: I've been on a Carpenters kick this week... love me some Karen Carpenter!  This collection is my current jam:

Watching: Helen and I just finished watching the one and only season of Pan Am this week (she'd never seen it before), and it's Bachelor time again. So I've been watching that as well.  I know... it's ridiculous. And a little crazy.  But I just enjoy it. Since tomorrow is going to be a stay-inside-Saturday, I'm sure we'll either have a movie marathon or a tv marathon.  Because... it's fun.

Reading: Vision in White by Nora Roberts.  This is book one in a four-book series. I'm not usually a huge Nora Roberts fan, but this one series I definitely love! I mean... I think this is only my 5th time reading through them? 

Working on:  My 2015 Shutterfly yearbook. I started doing this several years ago instead of "manual scrapbooking" which takes a LOT of time, effort, creativity, and money. Shutterfly books are NOT cheap, but since I'm a Kelloggs rewards member, they send me a $20 Shutterfly coupon for my birthday every year, so that makes it almost cheap! (this hasn't changed since last month. I've since gotten an additional $20 credit for being a Shutterfly customer, but both expire soon.  Hence the stay-inside-Saturday scheduled for tomorrow.)

Wishing: Haha... the things I could put here. Mostly I'm wishing I was Bahamas-bound right now like I was this time last year.  Man that sounds good right now!

Needing: A shelf for my closet. Gotta talk to the lumber guy about that....  And also I'm desperately needing to figure out a good time to designate every single day to read my Bible/Journal. Oh. And I'm needing to bring my exercise trampoline to my place from my parents' place.  So I can add running to my daily routine, along with the Bible reading. 

Rejoicing: Helen and I are LOVING our new apartment!  I'm overflowing with (re)joy(cing)! Wonderful new apartment, amazing new(ish) job, and other exciting things in the works!

Reflecting on: the sovereignty of God.  I'm so glad He knows what's going on in my life because He sees the big picture even though all I can see right now is a speck on the canvas. He knows exactly what will happen, who will walk in/out of my life, and the exact timing of it all! So really... I don't need to worry!

Picturing: This... a year ago.  If only I had a time machine...

52/52 - Music

This was supposed to be posted LAST YEAR (as in... about a week ago OOPS!), but this is the final in my "Photo a Week"  project for 2015.

On Christmas day, we got together at Uncle Robbie & Aunt Julie's for dinner. After we stuffed ourselves with delicious food, we gathered by the piano and sang hymns.  I snapped this picture of Aunt Jules at the piano, and that's the final picture for the saga: