Lost & Found

Some of you are probably wondering where I've been the last few weeks.  No blog posts.  Very few status updates on Facebook.  Hardly any texts or phone calls.  You probably haven't even seen me around all that much lately.

Well, the truth is that I've been a little depressed.  Now before you start worrying, you should remember/be told that my version of depression isn't dark.  I simiply don't have that capability in me.  I'm way too cheerful and upbeat for something like that. 

When I get depressed, which is no more than a few times a year, I simply shut down.  I crawl into my shell and push everyone away.  For the past three or four weeks, I've felt lost. Like I have no idea where I'm going.  Or what I'm looking for.  Or how to get there.  The worst part was feeling so lost, and thinking to myself that no one would come find me... that no one wanted to.

I feel like there is more to life than what I've been giving and getting.  I feel like there is something missing.  I feel like I have this hollow, empty place in my heart, and I don't know how to fill it, or with what to fill it. 

Whew!  That IS kinda depressing, huh?

So anyhow, it wasn't until Saturday that I picked up my Bible again after (sadly) too long away, and I began reading in Matthew 7,  picking up where I last left off.  In verse 7, it says this:

"Ask, and it shall be given to you; seek, and you will find; knock, and it will be opened to you."

It goes on in verse 11 to say:

"If you then, who are evil, know how to give good gifts to your children, how much more will your Father who is in heaven give good things to those who ask him!"

I was struck by the fact that I kept expecting God to fix my problem, but I had never asked Him to do so.  God wants good things for my life.  All I have to do is ask.

Ask for His wisdom.

Ask for His strength.

Ask for Him to show me the way.

Ask for Him to find me.

So that's what I did. I wrote a three page letter to God, asking Him for all these things.

Why is it, then, that I'm surprised when God answers with unexpected blessings?

On Sunday,  several times, I had people saying they'd missed me the previous week (I had a massive headache, and let's face it... I was also extremely depressed, so I'd missed services last Sunday).  I had people that chose to spend time with me, that asked me to stick around when I would have otherwise left.  I felt like maybe, just maybe, someone DID want to find me. 

Then yesterday, I called to talk to my momma.  I haven't done that in a few weeks, which is pretty unusual for me.  She said she had assumed I was doing great and keeping busy because I hadn't checked in for awhile.  I explained to her that when I quit calling... that's when she should start being worried. 

Then my daddy came on the line.  He told me that I was on his mind during his drive to work that morning, so he'd been praying for me.  He wanted to make sure I was ok, that everything was fine.  I love my earthly father.  And even more, I love my heavenly Father for prompting my eartly father to "find" me. 

I still feel a little lost, but I can tell you that today I'm happier than I have been in a long time.

Because I know that even though I've been feeling lost for awhile, God is sending the people I love to find me.

And He Himself is helping me find my way.