Setting Goals, Embracing Life, & Letting Go

Thursday evening, I had a meltdown.

Not the kind of meltdown that toddlers have in the store when their parents tell them for the hundredth time that "no, we are NOT buying that toy!" Not the kind of meltdown that teenage girls have when the "guy of their dreams" asks someone else to the prom.  Not the kind of meltdown that college kids have when they're missing home, can't handle the pressure, and just want to go back to high school.

No, this was the kind of meltdown that Lacy has when she's had a handful of drastic life changes in six months and hasn't taken the time to process everything. Instead she bottles it up, tucks it away, and hopes she can just hold out till spring, when everything will magically be better.

Now, I should mention that on Monday, my uncle passed away. My great aunt, whom I adored, passed away just before Christmas. And in one month, it will be two years since my grandpa passed and 14 years since my (don't tell anyone) favorite uncle passed away.

So there I was, sitting at home alone, and the volcano, sparked by something trivial and minor, erupted. All over the place. I started crying and couldn't stop. I started questioning everything! Should I have stayed at my old job? Should I have not moved? Should I have not kept some people at arms length? Should I have not let other people get as close as they are? Am I making too many assumptions where certain people are involved? Which then turned into, will I be single forever? Will I die alone, surrounded by knitting needles? YIKES! 

Thankfully, I used my "text a friend" card, and instead of texting back, my friend Rachel opted to play her "phone a friend" card. I'm so thankful for Rachel. She just GETS it. People like to tell us that they understand what it's like to be 26, single, and never have been in a relationship. They like to tell us that God has a plan for our singleness or that "Mr. Right" is out there and to be patient. HA! Rachel actually gets it. Because she's just like me. But you? You, who were married at 22 to your high school sweetheart 30 years ago? You, who had three kids by the time you were my age? No. I'm sorry, but you don't get it. Even if you genuinely want to, you just don't. And while you may be right about God having a plan or "Mr. Right" being out there, that's just not helpful. Nor is it overly comforting whilst in the midst of a meltdown. Rachel, however, gets it. She knows that even when a meltdown is completely unrelated to being single, it still somehow ends up glaring you in the face. Because in the midst of a meltdown, the loneliness sometimes overwhelms you, compounding the problem. 

Anyhow, Rachel "talked me off the ledge," so to speak, and I went to bed. Yesterday, I woke up to a beautiful sunshiney day, and I thought everything would be fine. But, nope! I went to work, someone asked me what was wrong, and I lost it again. Thankfully, I have an amazing boss who told me to just take the day off. My uncle's funeral was later in the day, so I was already planning to take half the day off. I went home, to my parent's house, and spent the day thinking about my life.

One thing I realized is that I need to embrace the life I have. I have a great job (that I do, in fact, love. Just FYI to my meltdown self) that I CAN be good at! I L-O-V-E my new apartment! I have amazing friends/family that love me, regardless. And I serve a God who LOVES me beyond comprehension. 

I also realized that perhaps one key to embracing the life I have is letting go. Letting go of things I can't change. Letting go of things in my past that hold me back. Letting go of future possibilities that I have zero control over. Letting go of the idealistic picture in my head of what my life was supposed to look like at 26. Another key to embracing life (brought to my attention by my dear friend Rachel... the one who just gets it) is setting goals. Goals for this month. Goals for this year. Professional goals. Personal goals. Spiritual goals. 

So this week, my plan is to do just that: Set goals, embrace life, & let go.

Right Now I'm...

Listening: It IS February, so I've had a little bit of a Love Songs groove going. But I've also been on a huge late 90's/early 2000's kick: Backstreet Boys, N'Sync, S Club 7, and so on. It's never quiet in our house!

Watching: I'm a huge Grey's Anatomy fan, but I've never gotten into Private Practice (the Grey's spin-off). I tried it once, and just didn't get into it. So... now that I live with Helen, who has Netflix, which just happens to have all of Private Practice available, I've decided to give it another try. And so far, I'm quite enjoying it.

Reading: I'm about 2/3 finished with Vision in White, but that's because I took a time-out to read Kyle & Kelsey Kupecky's book The Chase, which was AMAZING! I highly recommend it for any single teen-adult gal still waiting for her Prince Charming. Super good!

Working on:  I started a daily journaling project at the end of January, and I did great for about a week, and then kinda bombed. But I REALLY enjoyed it for the week I did it, so I'm determined to catch up and keep going. I love writing, and this is one way I can write a little every day.

Wishing: That I knew what other people were thinking sometimes. It would sure take all the uncertainty and guessing out of complicating my life.

Needing: Still, a shelf for my closet. And it wouldn't hurt to have a real Valentine... but alas, there's always hope for next year.

Rejoicing: That there are only 35 days till SPRING! I can not WAIT for this icky winter coldness to be G-O-N-E!

Reflecting on: I made Helen a mix CD the other day entitled "Flawless Love" for our Sunday Morning drives to church. It has several wonderful songs about God's forgiveness on it, and I am such a dirty rotten sinner that desperately needs a Savior, and these songs give me so much hope! I love being reminded that God's love goes deeper and wider than all the drops in the ocean! God's forgiveness extends to the deepest, darkest parts of my sinful heart, and for that, I am BEYOND grateful!

Picturing: This... last year at the Valentine's Banquet at church

What's Going On? : A Life Update

Wow.  I was just perusing my blog, and I noticed that it's been a VERY long time since I did a life update.

A LOT has changed in the last year... even in just the last six months. But I wouldn't trade any of it for the world! I've learned and grown so much in that short time.

A year ago, I was still basking in the warm memories of a recent trip to the Caribbean. What an incredible experience, and I'm so thankful my dearest cousin April included me in that excursion!

Six months ago (ish), I had finally come to a place of contentment with my job at the bank and with living with my parents for the time being. My first nephew was also born.

Five months ago, I got a job offer from a customer that was way too good to pass up.

Four months ago, I passed all my licensing exams to be able to sell insurance.

Three months ago, My new boss found me a place to live just a block away from work. And the landlady is a good friend of hers, to boot!

Two months ago, we took a break from life to celebrate and be thankful for all the Lord has done for us.

A month ago, we took a break from life to celebrate the birth of the Savior.

Three weeks ago, Helen and I moved into our new apartment.

Today, I'm settled in (for the most part), and so in love with life!

So there you have it. My life in a nutshell over the last year.

Right Now I'm...

Listening: I've been on a Carpenters kick this week... love me some Karen Carpenter!  This collection is my current jam:

Watching: Helen and I just finished watching the one and only season of Pan Am this week (she'd never seen it before), and it's Bachelor time again. So I've been watching that as well.  I know... it's ridiculous. And a little crazy.  But I just enjoy it. Since tomorrow is going to be a stay-inside-Saturday, I'm sure we'll either have a movie marathon or a tv marathon.  Because... it's fun.

Reading: Vision in White by Nora Roberts.  This is book one in a four-book series. I'm not usually a huge Nora Roberts fan, but this one series I definitely love! I mean... I think this is only my 5th time reading through them? 

Working on:  My 2015 Shutterfly yearbook. I started doing this several years ago instead of "manual scrapbooking" which takes a LOT of time, effort, creativity, and money. Shutterfly books are NOT cheap, but since I'm a Kelloggs rewards member, they send me a $20 Shutterfly coupon for my birthday every year, so that makes it almost cheap! (this hasn't changed since last month. I've since gotten an additional $20 credit for being a Shutterfly customer, but both expire soon.  Hence the stay-inside-Saturday scheduled for tomorrow.)

Wishing: Haha... the things I could put here. Mostly I'm wishing I was Bahamas-bound right now like I was this time last year.  Man that sounds good right now!

Needing: A shelf for my closet. Gotta talk to the lumber guy about that....  And also I'm desperately needing to figure out a good time to designate every single day to read my Bible/Journal. Oh. And I'm needing to bring my exercise trampoline to my place from my parents' place.  So I can add running to my daily routine, along with the Bible reading. 

Rejoicing: Helen and I are LOVING our new apartment!  I'm overflowing with (re)joy(cing)! Wonderful new apartment, amazing new(ish) job, and other exciting things in the works!

Reflecting on: the sovereignty of God.  I'm so glad He knows what's going on in my life because He sees the big picture even though all I can see right now is a speck on the canvas. He knows exactly what will happen, who will walk in/out of my life, and the exact timing of it all! So really... I don't need to worry!

Picturing: This... a year ago.  If only I had a time machine...

52/52 - Music

This was supposed to be posted LAST YEAR (as in... about a week ago OOPS!), but this is the final in my "Photo a Week"  project for 2015.

On Christmas day, we got together at Uncle Robbie & Aunt Julie's for dinner. After we stuffed ourselves with delicious food, we gathered by the piano and sang hymns.  I snapped this picture of Aunt Jules at the piano, and that's the final picture for the saga: